I know this whole section of the website reads a little hateful. but it's actually mostly about forgiveness; I have so much resentment built up surrounding such a small percentages of my sexual adventures. Although it did start at my virginity loss, with a girl I spent three years at school with and then another six or seven being the closest of friends. We met at school when I was 14 and I was instantly besotted with her. I wrote in my diary and obsessed like a goth teenager for months, even though we were actual friends and I could have made an actual move at any time it would have been great and easy and amazing considering how attractive and interesting I was and am - but instead I kind of languished in our friendship and let it be a lonely resonance of romance until one day smoking at her house, which we did all the time, she, having no marijuana of her own, gestured to me in a flirtatious manner with her eyes and said;

"I don't suppose you have a tens I could nick off you do you?"

I was electrified at the prospect of sex with Andrea, and at the notion of losing my virginity; but I knew there was some kind of balance happening to the situation. I'd been aware of this kind of exchange in the air before, around people at parties, unions formed over drugs that lead to the satisfaction of sexual energy - I searched my mind for the right words to guide my penis toward her bartering vagina and cut a confidently direct 

"I don't know, what's it worth?"

into the air.

I've always regretted those words. It was worth so much more then that to me to Gain my virginity to Andrea. And it meant so much more, or less as the case may be, when I went to school the next Monday to learn that she had spread a rumor around school that I had raped her.

My excuses? I thought she was flirting with me. Her eyes said sex, her mouth said weed, I gave her weed and kissed her. She laid on the bed and I went down on her. Technically it was statutory rape since we were both underage when I fucked her and I guess the assumption that she was addicted to marijuana might have meant I was manipulating her vulnerability.

That's a lot to know at 15... I was enlightened but... I don't know. I try not to judge. I guide myself with love entirely and exceed myself trying not to hurt others. Anything beyond that and I'll need an outside opinion.